I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Big-Boned

March 19, 2010

I just read an article about this lovely lady who is trying to be the world’s fattest woman. If she cannot acheive that lofty goal, she has instead decided to go for world’s fattest mom. This other lovely lady now holds that title. Wow! After reading that article on Ms. Salt I think I wanted to vomit. And then laugh. Then maybe cry. But all that emotion and thinking reminded me of . . . me! I am still struggling with my weight. Obviously nothing like either of those women, but about four years ago, when I started a heavy duty medication regimine, I put on quite a bit of weight. Probably about 50 pounds all together, from skinniest to fattest. Lucky for me, I have lost about half of that so far. I am now down to 165 as of last night! Yea! It has come off slowly – VERY slowly. But that’s not what matters. What matters is I am losing it. Over the last month and a half it has been coming off at an average rate of 1 pound a week. I think I put the weight on over the course of the first year. Then I stayed at my heaviest for about another year, then the last two years it has been going. It seems like I will lose a few pounds, keep it off for a while, then gain part of it back, but then lose more. So far it has steadliy been going down.

Also, since last summer, I completely quit taking the medications that had originally caused the weight gain. And since then, it seems like it has been MUCH easier to lose it.  So, I thought I would celebrate by documenting the occasion on my blog! It also reminded me of something screwed up though. In the article about the world’s fattest mom, Ms. Salt, it said something about her having a thyroid problem and that was partially to blame for her weight gain. At the end of the article, there were also some comments and one of the readers said something about also having a thyroid problem but she didn’t weigh THAT much. And so I was reminded of a similar situation that happened to me.

When I first put the weight on, I was going to a clinic at Federal and Colfax. Since I was on Medicaid, it was basically the only place I could go for low cost health care. It sucked. But since I could get my birth control shots there for $20 a pop, I didn’t have much choice. One day I was in there getting my depo shot and one of the providers came in and started talking to me about my weight. At this point in time, I was definitely overweight. Technically, according to my BMI, I was considered obese. In my defense, I have NEVER been overweight. Growing up, I was always short and thin. I was a tiny girl. I was always in the bottom percentile for weight and height for my age. During high school I was pretty thin and after graduation I lost more weight. Even during and after my pregnancy (I got pregnant very young, at age 19) I was skinny. Then I hurt my knee and being on pain meds for almost a year put me down to about 110 pounds. After recovering from surgery I started lifting weights. I actually put on a few pounds but it was pure muscle. My average weight through my early 20’s was about 130 but I was in excellent shape. So when I started taking my new medications and I put on a few pounds, I didn’t think much of it. I have never had problems losing weight. However, 20, 30, then 40 pounds later, I started freaking out. I tried to diet but even if I ate healthy, I was so hungry all the time, and I was eating so many calories every day, it didn’t matter if they were healthy calories or not. There were just too many of them. I had talked to my psychiatrist about it and she said that the meds I was taking actually affect your hunger responses. It make you feel hungry all the time. It is a scientifically proven fact that people taking this medication do not feel full after eating a typical meal and it was shown throughout their studies that patients gained a significant amount of weight.

Anyways, the provider came in and was telling me that I was overweight. Duh! I tried to explain to her that my medication had been affecting my eating habits and I had just recently gained the weight and that I was trying really hard to take it off. She suddenly interrupted me and asked “Is the medication putting actual fat cells into your body?” I answered, “No, but it makes me really hungry and. . .” She interrupted me again and said, “So then your medication is NOT making you fat.” Wow. I sure have had the wrong idea this WHOLE time about how your body gains and loses weight. See, I thought that when you ingest excess calories, even if they are not composed of fat molecules, you gain weight. And I also thought that since some chemicals, especially psychotropic medications, affect your hunger function and cause you to eat more and not ever feel full, that those chemicals were contributing to the weight gain. I also thought that your metabolism can affect how quickly you burn those calories, even if they are not composed of fat molecules, and if there are too many you will gain weight. BOY WAS I WRONG! Apparently, the ONLY way you get fat is by ingesting actual fat molecules. All you people out there with thyroid problems, or taking birth control, or have just quit smoking or anybody who has recently gained weight from a medication are really just lazy stupid people who are mistakenly excusing their weight gain on an imaginary chemical reaction that is not really taking place in your body, even th0ugh the scientists and doctors that created those medications say they are. You are all just eating TOO MUCH FAT! So then this bitch goes on to say that all I have to do is eat only 1,200 calories a day and excercise an hour a day. Oh, that’s all. So even though I was eating about 2,500 calories a day and still feeling like I was starving, I just had to eat about half as much and be ok. Then, in my already over-scheduled day, I just had to find one tiny hour to spend exercising. Ok, so the best part about all of this was that this woman was fat! And not just a little chubby, she could easily be classified as obese. She had at least a good 50 punds on me. She was shorter than I was and weighted at least 200 pounds. I think my mouth may have dropped open and I think I said something like “Are you fucking serious?” or something like that because she went on to tell me that between all the fat bitches that work there, combined they had lost over 100 pounds. I almost punched her in the double chin. I looked her straight in the face and asked her, “So you’re telling me you only eat 1,200 calories and excersie an hour a day and you still are that fat?” And she said, “Oh, yeah I’ve lost weight.” BULLSHIT. I couldn’t take it any more. This fat fuck was sitting there telling me according to my BMI I am obese and she has a way higher BMI than I do, and tells me I have to cut my calories and exercise and hour a day when obviously she has done none of those things. And, to top it all off, even though I have never been fat a day in my life, I just suddenly happen to gain a third of my body weight at the exact same time I started new meds but that is definitely not causing the weight gain, even though my REAL doctor says it is, because my meds are not made of fat, even though every legimate source of nutrition directly contradicts that bit of advice. Because some tubby little bitch that works at an under-funded public medicaid clinic who doesn’t even have a medical degree knows more than nutritionists, dieticians and even the FDA. News Flash! Apparently the ONLY way you get fat is by consuming fat molecules. Not by consuming too many calories, or having a weird metabolism or any other physiological or psychological problems. Wow, I sure needed to be set straight!


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